“I was in utter shock,” said one witness. “I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t look away.” New Farm resident of thirty-two years, Mark* had been picking up a selection of IGA cheeses when he was alarmed to sight an uncanny resemblance to the Hollywood star Adam Sandler looming in the deli department. Another shopper, Terrence*, of the inferior Fortitude Valley precinct, was bewildered by the incident. “I saw the whole thing,” claimed the twenty-eight year old, describing the eerie way in which the subject moved effortlessly through the cereal aisle. “Nothing could have prepared me for this. But that’s life, isn’t it?” Another local, Alison*, was shopping for cat food and eggs. “I honesty thought I was going crazy when I noticed him. I sent a telegram to my mother and father the moment I got home. They live in Ireland so it won’t get there for days. They first visited Ireland in 2004 on a holiday but loved it so much they decided to retire there.”

* Names have been changed to protect witnesses